Choose your life, then live it!

Welcoming 2012!!!

2012-01-26T01:41:00.008+08:00

My gulay!!! I’m so sorry for not being able to write for the past 2 months (or so). I’ve been busy with work and…. Twitter! Hahahaha! Yes! About 2 months ago, I changed my phone and data plan. And what a best way to maximize it? Sign up on twitter! Follow me! @IamAnnaAlfonso. Twitter became my source of news and gossips. As in!!!! I can’t believe how some people share so much of their personal life to everyone. For celebrities, I would understand because they just want their fans to be updated and feel close to them. For others, feeling celebrity lang ang peg! Hahahaha! Funny lang! But it’s their life. I don’t care. It’s just irritating sometimes.

Anyways, since I just turned 29, I promise to keep my resolutions (all of them) for this year. I was inspired by Celine’s blog, “The 30 Before 30 Project”, where she enumerates 30 lists of things she need to do before turning 30. Since I have a bucket list already, the extreme ones, I’ve decided to create a simple 30 lists of the things I want to accomplish before I reach 30. I’m not yet done with the list (suggestions are welcome, by the way). But I will post them as soon as it’s completed.

Sharing some of the things I have accomplished already:
(1) Win a laser tag match (my 1st ever laser tag)
(2) Buy my first personal laptop (I got Vaio, it’s amazing!!)
(3) De-clutter closet and donate unused stuff (these are for typhoon Sendong victims)
(4) Complete Simbang Gabi (1st time to complete. Yay!)

Part of my 30 before 30 list is to write as often as I can. At least once a month! I want to keep this promise! I’ll try to shoot as often as possible too so I can share them with you. I have this new mini instax, it’s soooo cooooool!!!!!!! Check this out!

Don't Complain....

2011-11-11T22:14:00.004+08:00

Do something about it instead......

Lessons Learned….

2011-08-28T23:16:00.001+08:00

Making mistakes surely leaves a mark in every person who’s courageous enough to make one.

Learn from it!

Just a thought.... on leaving

2011-08-19T16:29:00.005+08:00

Saying goodbye is never easy, especially if that person is close to you. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. I’ve been losing some good people at work and some good friends are leaving to work abroad. Though it was all for greener pastures, it was still sad. The cycle goes on..... Need to develop more talents and let them grow. As for myself, just let go and move on. It’s not as if they died or something, they’re still there and I can always visit them or they just might come back after all. *evil laugh*

Great people are meant to leave, in order for them to grow. Maybe I should be the one leaving? Whatchatink? Hahahaha! I’d like the thought of that!

Badly needs a break!

2011-06-24T01:03:00.006+08:00

Taken at Boracay Island

I want to go on vacation, will try it alone this time. Lie down on the beach shore and just stare at the sky while listening to Beach Boys or Bob Marley songs or finish the book I’ve been reading for months now. Just to free my head from over thinking about stuff. 

I’ve been busy with work lately and having to think about issues at home makes me want to stop the time for a while. There are a lot of things going on my head right now and it’s making me crazy!!!!!

Escaping is definitely not my thing when being swamped with what you call “life”. I can brave all the storms that comes along with it but this time, I’m about to give up.

Thanks to my dear friends who are always there to listen every time I complain about life. I’m grateful and blessed to have such good friends like them. I don’t need to keep in touch with them on a daily basis but whenever I need them, they are always there to listen. No questions asked! They make me believe that I am a strong and brave person and that I don’t need luck. I can always make them! Hearing nice words from these people every time I give up on myself reminds me that for every frown comes a smile and for every tear follows dozens of laughter.

Reporting for Duty

2011-05-18T02:16:00.002+08:00

Life is wonderful if you know how to live it....

"Live life day by day" is what my good friend tells me whenever I come ranting about the worries of the future.

I started to accept life as it is now. Whatever comes, accept it! No resentment!

Just learn from any mistakes that comes in this wonderful journey. Live life as God planned it for you. Don't give God instructions on how He should plan your life, just report for duty!

PostSecret: Subway Joy

2011-05-17T01:10:00.003+08:00

Do you ever sing when you're alone?
Even if you do not have the voice at all?
I do!

I sing when I drive, when I take a shower, when I clean my nails, when I cook, when I clean the house, when I do my bedtime rituals. Hahahaha! I sing whenever I can.... and when I am ALONE!

It's me reminding myself to cheer up and not worry about life that much.

Lovesick

2011-05-12T00:46:00.003+08:00

I’ve got this funny feeling inside my head

I won’t tell you, I’ll change the topic instead

It’s a different occasion for separate times

It’s a question with no answer, a poem with no rhymes

I’ve got a strange feeling for some strange eyes

The look in the mirror was a big surprise

It could never be the same nor duplicated

It was mine and never to be imitated

Sick of being alone, sick of being at home

But I ain’t sick of using the phone

If there’s one wish I was to be granted

I would choose the love nobody expected

Is it the song that makes my heart sings?

Or maybe the joy your laughter brings

It was a simple word for silence, simple yet complicated

It made my life so confusing, I think that I was intimidated

It was a 4 letter word that stuck in my head

It made me awake even if I slept all day in my bed

I always seem to forget the words I used to remember

‘Cause there was fear that could remain forever

The fear of giving myself for a certain reason

My heart was locked up and jailed in prison

I really feel that I can’t stand this illusion

For a certain conclusion, for just a silly question

But maybe sometimes, that will never come

I don’t know when but it might hurt some

It’s not fever that I feel, and I’m not acidic

Hey!!! Would you believe I’m lovesick??!!

Time will come and time will tell

And you might know it as well.

untitled...

2011-05-03T01:45:00.001+08:00

when tomorrow comes for you,

know that there is o place

that you can hide.

i will find you,

seek you out in your refuge

and lay myself down

at the edge of your borders.

my love will find you

and try as you might,

as hard as you wish that

i will grow tired,

i will be waiting there

just within your reach.

for if you should find yourself

troubled by the madness of your own,

that which you will not share with me,

you will find comfort in my arms,

still anxious to love you and carry

your sorrow, suffering and hate.

though you might turn away

and hide yourself again every time,

these arms will let you go.

then, in a cycle, i will find you

and you might come to me

then you will run

and again, i will search

and i will wait

until waiting has no patience no more.

- anonymous -

Umarte ng naaayon sa ganda!

2011-04-14T01:58:00.005+08:00

Umarte ng naaayon sa itsura.

Kund hindi kagandahan,

Wag nang lumandi pa!

On this day....

2011-04-13T01:42:00.002+08:00

On this of your life, we believe God wants you to know that every time you pretend to love, you impoverish yourself more and more. Love has a great potential to enrich your life. But if you are just playing a role, pretending to love, it's only going to poison you. Because you are teaching yourself that it's just a game and slowly but surely, you will lose the capacity to open in love.

STRESSED = DESSERTS

2011-03-30T01:39:00.001+08:00

I’ve been stressed lately with all the changes happening with work. Dealing with clients and difficult people are one hell of a job. And if you don’t know how to deal with too much pressure, you’ll be dead! Literally! It’s either you kill yourself, or your boss will kill you. Hahahaha!

But seriously, how do people cope up with stress?

Stress has never been good in my system. I just gained 5 lbs!!!!

Aberlin live in Manila

2011-03-30T00:51:00.004+08:00

Anberlin was awesome! They performed live last March 9 at A.Venue music hall and it was jam packed! They sang a few of my favorite songs and a few songs from their new album, Dark Is The Way, Light Is A Place. Nathan has this amazing drum set that has sparkling crystal on it. How cool was that? Stephen, himself, was incredible too. Such an amazing, loveable voice! I love the new members as well. The experience was epic! They sang Take Me as their final song (with all the confetti) and promised to be back soon.

♪♫♪ I wanna break every clock

The hands of time could never move again

We could stay in this moment (stay in this moment)

For the rest of our lives

Is it over now hey, hey, is it over now

I wanna be your last, first kiss

That you'll ever have

I wanna be your last, first kiss ♪♫♪

Pray for us!

2011-03-23T01:18:00.000+08:00

During my stay in Boracay, something tragic happened in Japan. A 8.9 magnitude earthquake hit Sendai, Japan and destroyed the city. A tsunami alert was raised in the nearby countries, including Philippines. Our families were worried that a tsunami might hit Boracay. It was scary but since CNN mentioned that the island will not be hit rather other parts of the Philippines, I started to calm down. But watching the news in the hotel makes me shiver. Let’s all pray for Japan and hope that nothing worst will happen to the world. Maybe, it’s God calling us to change and make the world a much better place rather than stealing, killing and destroying His wonderful gifts.

People, let’s pray for the safety of everyone! Keep the world safe!

Happy, Happy @ Boracay!

2011-03-13T17:17:00.014+08:00

Boracay was definitely one of the lovely beaches in the Philippines that I love to visit during summer. Yo and I never had the chance to go to Bora together until this year. The trip was short and we both wish we can stay longer. But we made the most out of the days we had. We spent those days eating, walking, drinking, shooting, swimming, and lounging by the shore. We talked about so many things about us and about life.

This year, we both celebrated our 28th birthday and 3rd year anniversary. Happy, happy to both of us.

Take a peek at our zorb ride adventure. It was super fun. We plan to ride the hydro zorb but that might be too boring for us (yabang! Haha!). So, we ended up doing the harness zorb. It was extreme! I suggest you try it!

We also had a nice, calm dinner at Discovery Shores Boracay. It was the best Filipino food in the island! Not to mention the amazing pool, bar, rooms and facilities. We plan to stay here someday or if we decided to have a beach wedding, Discovery Shores will be the perfect place for us to stay (our families will stay at a cheaper resort though). Kuripot! :D

And then, when we got home, Yo insisted on going home first before staying over. I wonder why…. And then, when he got back, he asked me to stay in the room for a while because he has something to give me. Aha! That was all the lomo photos about! Going back a few weeks, he asked me to give him all my favorite lomo photos. He wouldn’t tell my why. So, I assumed he was going to surprise me with those. True enough! He made me a lomowall!!!

I loved it!!!!!

To my one and only…..

2011-03-01T23:57:00.002+08:00

Happy, happy birthday!

Cheers to another wonderful year full of love, success and happiness!

I love you! Mwah!

Acceptance

2011-02-25T18:52:00.003+08:00

Starting today, I will live life day by day.

No more planning.

No more expectations.

Learn to accept everything that’s given to you. Do not ask for more. You’re lucky you still have 2 hands, a nice car, and a peaceful home to go home to, chocolates that makes you happy and families and friends to be there for you (all the time!). People can disappoint you at times, but hey! Life is still good. Don’t waste your time ranting about those people who doesn’t deserve your time and energy. They’re worthless!

They say, “You should find the good in others and life will be easy”.

I wish I can say the same.

Maybe soon….

I’m still working on it!

Food + Lomo = Fun!

2011-02-23T22:46:00.005+08:00

This was taken at Ristras, Fort. Since I'm saving my films for our next trip, I'm exploring my new app, LomoLomo, which is super cool!!!!! I don't have to buy films, lens and I get to see the photo right away! HA!

Yo and I are a big fan of action sampler, so here's one shot I love during our Mexican pig out!

And oh! Since Jack, my supersampler, is still busted I bought the supersampler camera in iTunes! Hahahaha! Watch our for more photos of Gabe, the iPhone!

Yellowcard!

2011-02-23T22:42:00.005+08:00

Weekend was awesome! We saw Yellowcard perform at A.Venue and they were so amazing!!!!

Yellowcard live in Manila

Sucks to be me because I have no voice! I’m on voice rest for a couple of days already! But I still enjoyed watching them. The crowd was unbelievable too! Madness!!!!

Here’s the list of my favorite songs they sang. The last 3 songs were the finale songs which I really really love!

- Breathing

- Believe

- Inside Out

- Way Away

- Five Becomes Four

- Fighting

- Empty Apartment

- Light Up the Sky

- Ocean Avenue

Sharing one of my favorite verse in one of their songs!

♪♫ It's okay to be angry and never let go

It only gets harder the more that you know

When you get lonely if no one's around

You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down

We came together but you left alone

And I know how it feels to walk out on your own

Maybe someday I will see you again

And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend ♪♫

Now, I’m excited for Anberlin who’s coming also this March. I’m hoping to get a photo with them too! Weeee!!!!

Birthday Love!

2011-02-18T01:01:00.003+08:00

Taken at my office workstation

This is a month delayed, I know! I've been busy with life. :))

Last month was my birthday month and you know that means? January is all about me. What I want to eat, where I want to go, what I want to buy and anything I want to do. My birthday celebration at home was somewhat different. It was our family’s post Christmas celebration. Everyone was there and we did have fun. It’s everyone’s birthday too with all the gifts we received that day.

Yo took me out on a date that night. Shopping, ribs, burger, fries and wine. We’re getting used to drinking red wine these days. We don’t like drinking beers and hard drinks anymore. Does it come with the age? Damn! We’re old! Hahahaha! I don’t care! I love it and it’s good for my heart (as long as I don’t finish 1 bottle everyday). :D We also had an overnight get away in the city. We tried to escape the troubles of life by locking ourselves somewhere where nobody can haunt us. *wink* I know what you’re thinking right now. Sorry, I’ll stop your fantasies right there. That’s not exactly it. We enjoyed the day walking, eating, swimming, drinking and talking. It’s always nice talking to him. I hope to spend more nights like these with him.

And then, my lovely team surprised me when I get back from my birthday vacation. Mala Amnesia Girl and surprise nila. I am very blessed with good friends in my life. Thank you for all the well wishes. My Amnesia Girl, by the way, is a local film which I love. It’s a romantic-comedy film that uses cheesy, corny pick-up lines. It was my first local film date with Yo also. Napilit ko sya manood ng tagolog movie after 3 years of being together. That movie made us laugh.

There are a lot of things I bought also for myself. IPhone (this was purchased way in advance! hahaha! shoes, dress, bag, and recently, fisheye ripcurl) Sigh! What a great way to start the year. But starting today, no more shopping for me. *fingers crossed* I need to save more. I’m not getting any younger! This is for my kids, you know? Friends, please pray for me. :D

On Valentine’s Day!

2011-02-16T00:53:00.002+08:00

Valentine's Day, 2011

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and most of the people in the office were out to celebrate. Good for them! I’ve got colds and my boyfriend’s sick too. So we decided to just have a simple dinner which turns out to be a disaster. Hahaha! Boooo!!! Dinner reservation failed! The food was average, nothing special at all. But that’s fine. Not a big of a deal, really. We do not prepare something big for this day like any other couples. Ayaw na naming makigulo sa gulo ng araw ng mga puso. Everyday is Valentine’s Day for us. *wink*

How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day?

Kung Hei Fat Choi

2011-02-16T00:48:00.003+08:00

Taken at Eastwood Mall

I miss home, I miss the tikoy and all the food and preparations we do for Chinese New Year. We're not Chinese but it won't hurt to follow rituals, right?

C'mon! Who does not need good luck?

Alone Time

2011-02-13T14:09:00.001+08:00

Taken somewhere in Macau :D

Once in a while, it’s nice to have some time alone. Reading your favorite book or listening to your favorite music or just doing nothing. Go on retreats, travel alone or do something you like on our own.

For me, this is something I needed. I realized that last year. One of the things I’d like to do this year is to travel alone and spend more time with myself. Most of the time, I’ve been thinking about other people. Whether it be my parents, sisters, relatives, friends or boyfriend. Now, I’d like to pay more attention to Anna, Marie or Pot. I have learned a lot about love and about life. Through the challenges I’ve been through, I became a stronger woman. Other people might not agree on this change but somehow, I like it. I wanted to be better and I think this is the best version of me so far.

Our first..........

2011-02-12T00:29:00.009+08:00

Hong Kong - Macau Trip

August 2010

L' Hotel Nina, Taipa Square, Ryan Mansion

Our first out of the country together (It was Yo's first time to visit a foreign land). Our hotel was upraded to 5-star (so cool!), the food was authentic and the weather was good.

L' Hotel Nina, Tsuen Wan Hong Kong

We were so tired after the trip but we had a great time. Going around the city requires more walking, eating and shopping!!! I was so tempted to gamble at Venetian but I decided to shop instead. :D

Had dinner with Cha and stayed at Bernice for a night. It was nice seeing you both! :)

We'll definitely go back soon!

Macau Tower

My Crazy Team

2011-02-11T00:38:00.003+08:00

Taken at Villa Cecilia, Tagaytay

(TB, 4Q2010)

Another fun and crazy R&R with my team.

- Flat tire in the the middle of the night

- Dawn of the dead on a foggy road

- Non-stop cooking and eating

- TB @ Starbucks

- Leslie's Bulalo

- Surprise visit from FNF, Rhina

- Another fun and super ingay na drinking game

- Drinking session turned relationship talk turned riot! Hahahahaha!

Cheers to Lechon Kawali and Tepanyaki!

Until next year, guys! :)

=========================================================

Today, I announced the new structure for my team. It's sad to lose some people but I know I'm gaining great people too. The challenge for me now is to build a crazier and happier and lovelier team! I hope that I'll be able to maintain the same environment as before, or better.

2011 is indeed, interesting.

You can never lose what you never had....

2011-02-08T18:19:00.008+08:00

Falling in love was never easy. It gets complicated if you don’t know what to do about it. Even worse if you find yourself stuck in this wonderful feeling and you have no idea what the other person feels for you or you knew that s/he may never love you back. This is from a good friend who’s been in this horrible situation. I know you’re just holding on to the thought of it because it’s wonderful. It’s okay! Your time to let go will come, just wait for it. You’ll know when it’s time.

"Here I come again, making another post about the so called greatest feeling in this world—LOVE. After expunging out all my views about this topic barely 2 years ago, I found myself in the middle of this shit again.

This is one of the mornings after another sleepless night that I cannot help not to ask myself, why didn’t I have a goodnight sleep again? Maybe it’s because I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately, or maybe at the back of my mind, there’s this wishful thought that someone might be thinking about me. I would joke myself about it several times and I would sometimes push myself to believe that jokes are always half-meant. Behind that joke, there’s this thought of someone that would again bounce in my head and disturb my sanity and make my day half-miserable.

For the nth time, I’ve told myself that he was just too nice and there’s no sense of thinking that there will be any possibility between the two of us to happen. It’s time to move on and face the reality. I came across this movie, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and Kate Hudson’s line saying “ I can never lose what I never had” never fails to struck me. It’s not 10 days in my case, but I definitely lost him. Reality bites and it even swallows me with the fact that he took me in a fantasy world where no real action exists, no real emotions surfaced. It’s not easy to be locked in a chain of false hopes and leads you to befriend with Cinderella and Snow White waiting for our Prince Charming to come along. How pathetic, but it happened to me several times, history is repeating itself over and over again…

I have thought about this a thousand times before and I have cautioned myself over and over again that I have stopped counting already. The hardest part of it is to accept the fact that he will never give me the attention I long for because it is for somebody else in the first place. Inasmuch as I would like to erase him from my mind, I CANNOT- or should I say I don’t want to?? Whatever the reason, I cannot bring him back. I am not sure about my feelings for him, and I know that I cannot have the best of both worlds. Much as I immensely enjoyed his company before, I think I should momentarily stop this stupidity because I am bound to get hurt and I think this the right time to make an end to it all. More often than not, the conversations we’ve had, the bottle of beers we shared, and even the arguments and make-up we had still lingers in my mind and makes me long for something I cannot have and someone who cannot be mine. It hurts to admit that I am just pretending.

All the while, I already knew the truth but I chose to ignore it. All along I was struggling this feeling towards him. I was so confused, this is from the very start wrong but I didn’t know what was right anymore. I did not want things to take different turns, I was happy then with the way we were, contented and satisfied.But too late that I realized that the heart will never learned its lesson once it tasted bliss. No matter how momentary it was, it couldn't be stopped. All the more it would reach for something beyond what was at hand. No measure of rationality would prevent it from beating, despite the foreseen pain, the inevitable frustrations and coming sleepless nights.I cannot merely stay the same, stall life with indecision. To wait for things to happen makes too little sense. And as what I’ve heard from my dear friend last night, “Life just has to move on.” I know it would be very difficult because memories will always have a way of keeping me trapped in the past, miserable in the present and hopeless in the future. Now, I should put God above anything else. I think that is the way it should be. He knows what is best for me. He would sometimes take the things that are important to me, not to make me miserable, but because He wants me to trust in Him that He would always have something better in exchange for what I lost.

I do hope that someone better and real would come along my way soon…"

--- Unknown

Fun at Phi Phi

2011-02-08T18:15:00.003+08:00

Morong, Bataan

(This was taken last summer, May of 2010)

Yearly summer outing with the team. Non-stop talking and laughing and eating and drinking! hahaha!

We missed you, A!!! Don't forget our pasalubong when you get back!

Alvie & Franci's "I DO"

2011-02-07T22:20:00.006+08:00

Manila Cathedral

My best friend's wedding!!!

I was able to finish my speech the day before the wedding, was preparing for it for 3 days! Panic mode! I was in the hotel by 5AM for may hair and make-up. No more time to eat breakfast and to meet F before going to the church. While waiting for the march, my heart was starting to beat faster and faster. Feeling ko ako yung bride! Hahahaha! The super jolly groom, Alvie, was there to cheer me up.

Then, Franci's final walk as a single lady has come. She was so stunning! So fab with her gown! I was shocked that I was not crying but when I looked at Alvie, he was in tears already and then my tears started to fall!! I was so happy for my friend.

The food at the reception was great! I love everything they served. They served my favorites... shrimps, crab, duck, turkey at marami pang iba. I can't eat much though since I was so nervous about my speech. I was not as cool as Jonathan, the groom's best man. When it was my turn to give my speech, I was outside the ballroom! Damn it! I was not informed that I was going to give my speech already! By the time I returned, they’re showing one of the AVPs already. Then, I got nervous again! I don’t want to cry! But then again, I failed. When I was in my second sentence, take note, second sentence, I was crying already!! I can’t believe it! Good thing I was able to put some humor to it pa rin. But I can’t stop crying! OMG!! Franci cried too!! =(

I will miss my single friend but I am happy to be a part of a new family, the Chua-Lo family. Like what I’ve always been telling, I love you Franci & Alvie! I will always be here to bother you both!!! Hahahaha!

Congratulations!!! Let’s drink soon!!!

Summer 2010

2011-02-07T20:53:00.005+08:00

Taken at Camara, Zambales

(with Nancy and my lil sis, Lyca)

A very relaxing trip with my little sister!

This time, I was able to do all the things I love:

1. EAT

2. SLEEP

3. THINK

4. WRITE

Next time, I'll go camping naman! Looks fun and dirty! ADVENTURE!!!!!

FAIL!

2011-02-04T20:47:00.002+08:00

I deactivated my FB account last Monday because I wanted to write more…. And I want to free myself from all the hassle of it. Logging in everyday and updating my status, albums, letting all the people in the universe know about what’s happening in my life. And having that curious side of me, checking some updates from friends too. It causes some fights and arguments with people. I’m glad that my relationship with my family and relatives are not jeopardized yet. Hahahaha! I’m happy to have met long lost friends from FB but I want to rest for a while. Inuubos ng FB ang lakas ko!

But today, I failed! A friend just emailed me to reply to her FB message. Can she just send it to my email? Hahaha! I miss her, by the way. So, I did log in today and check a couple of people that I miss. *sigh* Why can’t I let go of this? Did I regret logging in again? Yes! Will I log in again while keeping my promise to write more often? Maybe… Hopefully not. I don’t want FB to become a part of my lifestyle. If my friends can do it, so am I!

The bitch will back though..........

Okay ka lang ba talaga?

2011-02-02T00:15:00.003+08:00

This is for you my friend......

Sana tamaan ka na! Hahahahaha!

"Dahil mahal kita, ayaw kitang masaktan. Pero gusto rin kitang lumigaya."

May isang lalaki, type mo.

Mabait, may humor, matalino at kaya kang buhayin.

Kaso may gusto syang iba.

Mas bata, mas sexy

Madalas mo silang makitang naglalandian.

Nasasaktan ka.

Paghanga pa ba o pag-ibig na?

Umamin ka na!

Hndi ko alam hanggang kalian ang kahibangan na ito.

Ako na lang ang susuko para sa iyo.

Mahirap kalabanin ang puso, lalo na kung kasundo ang isipan mo.

Masaya akong nakikita kang nakangiti

Pero sa bawat sandali,

Bakit mas madalas ang pagsisisi?

Na sa dinami dami ng lalaki

Bakit ikaw pa ang napili!

Okay ka lang!

Tanggap mo na!

Bigkas mo sa bawat sermon

Sana sa bawat katagang binibigkas mo

Naiisip mo.....

Na may lalaki rin na nag-aabang ng pagmamahal...

At atensyon mo.

2011

2011-01-31T20:18:00.003+08:00

2010 was a drag! Definitely not one of the best years I had. But there’s a lot to be thankful for. Lost some friends but definitely gained a lot.

2011…. Will it be fun? Will it bring me pain? I don’t know but for the past month now, I can feel that this year will be good to me, maybe even better. There are a lot of things I wanted to do this year. Hopefully I can cross them all out one by one. I will be sharing a couple of them here.

I promised to write everyday, here or in my journal. I wanted to shoot everyday too. I will be sharing some of my favorite photos here. I hope you’ll like them. I’ve started with a few photos taken a couple of years back and definitely will be sharing more.

Sunset Sailing

2011-01-31T19:59:00.004+08:00

Subic Bay Yacht Club

This is how to live the rich life! Lucky me, I get to experience it for a day! Thanks, Mamu!!!

Redscale

2011-01-31T19:52:00.005+08:00

Corregidor Island, Cavite

Surprise birthday trip on his 27th. He never knew where we were going until we boarded the ferryboat. I gave him clues every week (3 weeks before the trip). I had fun keeping this trip a secret. At the end, I'm glad he liked it.

This was the first time I used a redscale film. Thanks to Gelo for the free roll. It was pretty cool but I still like chrome better. This is one of my favorite shots from this roll.

Trivia: This island fortress stands as a memorial for the courage, valor, and heroism of its Filipino and American defenders who bravely held their ground against the overwhelming number of invading Japanese forces during World War II.

Edge Coaster

2011-01-31T19:34:00.004+08:00

Crown Regency, Cebu

Our first trip together, after being apart. It was fun! We spend the whole 3 days not thinking about the worries of the world. How cool was that? This was the start of our second chance....

LDR

2010-10-06T23:46:00.003+08:00

Before, I was thinking if LDR will work for me. I’m not a big fan of it but at the back of my head, maybe I’ll consider. Today, I am confirming it. I am not meant for LDR. It’s just been 48 hours since Yo left and the hassle of waiting for him to go online and the eagerness to see a message from him in my mobile or in my mail is killing me! Hahahaha! The thrill is there. But if this will go on for like months…… Man! Kill me already!

So, kudos to those who did make it work. I bow down to all of you! It requires a lot of effort, patience, time, trust and commitment to do that. I have all of those but living in two different lands, mean triple or maybe even ten times of what I’m giving right now.

Being apart made me do things on my own and the same goes with him. That part is good. But he needs to come home. I really miss him. =( Now I know how it feels to be on the other end. I didn’t feel like this when I was traveling with my family and friends. Selfish bitch? Hahahaha! So I guess when he says he misses me, he really means it! Love it! ♥

Love lost... Love found...

2010-09-27T01:28:00.002+08:00

In life, you only have two choices, to live with the past or to live and plan the future. The present is where we make your decision. The time where you let go and stick with your choice.

Most of the time, you hold on to past memories, good or bad. Hanging on to good memories makes it feel better, you feel alive. Grieving, in most cases, helps you to move on. The past is called the past because you cannot bring it to your future. You have to learn to forgive and to let go. We all know it’s not easy to let go but in time, someone will help you move on. Someone will heal all those pain and make you smile again. Someone will bring hope to your life again. And then you will realize that it’s time to let go. That’s the time you live to the future.

You may have lost love but I'm sure you will find one again someday.

Swing it!

2010-09-02T23:33:00.001+08:00

Today marks the healthy life that I am going to live. Uhmm….. No, no, no! Not today, by Monday! Hahaha! I will be having another tooth surgery and I plan to eat everything that I want, anything that my taste buds are craving for. Chocolates, chips, ice cream, cakes, burgers, fries, crispy pata!!! I still have 3 more days and there’s more to eat!

After that, healthy lifestyle, here I come! I bought a new toy in line with this new lifestyle I want to live… An 8kg Kettlebell from a very good friend, Yvarr dela Cruz, who is also a certified PKC (Philippine Kettlebell Club) trainer. I was able to try KB a few months back and I was able to enjoy it. The cardio and all that weight lifting to tone your body. It’s a full body workout, really! I plan to attend a few more workshops with Yvarr or some other PKC trainer to be able to master the proper posture and usage of my KB. I want to name him but I can’t think of any right now. All I want is to lose weight since all my pants cannot fit me anymore! Damn it! I will update you once I baptized him already! Will have a name before I make my first swing! ;)

Cute and Sweet

2010-08-23T22:28:00.003+08:00

While inside the church yesterday, a super cute boy caught my attention. He was with her mom. They came late to hear mass and sat in front of us. At the back of my head I was thinking, “Naku, mag-iingay na naman ‘to!” Most kids inside the church just play around and make noises, especially the toddlers, they cry a lot. Not sure why some parents bring a 1 or 2 year old baby inside the church. They don’t even understand what’s happening. Some adult ones just hear mass also for the sake of saying they go to the church every week. But you see them chatting with friends or playing with their phones.

But first time ever, I saw this kid sitting and kneeling and singing with his mom. I think he’s around 6-8 years old already. He’s so sweet and cute! He doesn’t want to sit in the chair. He wants to sit in his mom’s lap all the time. He even closes his eyes while singing “Ama Namin.” Then it hit me! I want a baby boy! Before, it doesn’t matter if my first born will be a girl or a boy. But after seeing the love of this kid to her mom, I want a baby boy already! A super cute, loveable, sweet baby boy! I will teach him how to play basketball, play the guitar and do some crazy stuff with me! I don’t have a brother so I want another man in my life, aside from my dad and soon-to-be-husband (if I get married). Hahaha!

Imagine you’ll have a cute and sweet kid like this one, what more can you ask for?

PostSecret: Getting Married

2010-08-19T23:56:00.003+08:00

Since most of my friends are getting married, I want to ask them this…..

Are you more excited in planning the wedding than getting married?

Some women love the idea of getting married. But once they step into the real world or marriage, they easily give up, they want out. Too late to realize that there’s no easy way out. After all the time exhausted in planning, all the money spent on the church, hotels, caterer, gowns, flowers and all. Suddenly, the planning was just the happy part. Living as a married couple is not. It’s more challenging that picking what flowers to use for the entourage. Looking for a place to live is difficult than find a hotel or restaurant for the wedding reception. Dealing with your neighbors is way more exhausting than choosing your entourage. At one point, marriage was not as fun as planning it.

But you swore to stay together through thick and thin. You promised to stay together until death. It’s your obligation to stay married and work on your marriage as long as you live. This goes to all husbands and wives (not just the wives). So, to all my friends out there, marriage is not a game. You say your “I DO’s” because you want to die with that person. Remember your promise to God, to yourself, to your partner and to the world. Stay with your partner and work on your marriage!

Growing up!

2010-08-18T01:12:00.004+08:00

Sorry, I’ve been busy lately. Busy with not so important stuff. So, there are so many things that happened to me for the past few weeks… or should I say months? :D I had a lot of thinking to do, with my life, my career and family as well. There are some changes in our house lately, still manageable but I can’t help but be worried at times. But I know my dad will take care of it. He’s best at taking care of this family. My life is getting better now, with love, career, friends and family.

I went to Hong Kong again this year and traveled to Macau as well. This time, I was able to appreciate the country more. I love everything about Hong Kong. There’s nothing much to see in Macau though, this city is just for shopping and gambling.

Hong Kong is different. The bridges, the train, the shopping center, the parks and streets. It was different from Manila. If I were to live somewhere else, Hong Kong will be on top of my list. Visiting this country for the 2nd time made me think about my career. If I really want to put up my own business, I need to work somewhere else to save money and get back to open a business here. Should I leave? I started to live alone 2 years ago but still, I’m still in Manila. I go home on weekends to be with my family. But if I were to leave the country, can I still live on my own? Far away from my family, friends and loved ones? This is a big decision for me. I’m not getting any younger. I’m turning 28 in a few months and I really need to think of my future already. Time to grow up, lady!

Wishing Well

2010-06-26T16:40:00.008+08:00

Having one wish is hard. We ask for more! One is never enough.

If you’re going to ask me, what I need right now is peace of mind. Peace of mind in order to know what’s right and wrong for me. Peace of mind to learn how to love unconditionally. Loving someone because of what they are and what they can provide is difficult. But loving and accepting yourself, what you can do and what you cannot is another story.

Taken at Mactan City, Cebu

If you’ll be granted one wish, what would it be?

PostSecret: Figure It Out

2010-06-26T16:09:00.007+08:00

It’s all about me. I have to figure it out myself, what I really want in life, not somebody else. And that’s what makes it difficult. Up until now, I have no definite plans yet for my future. And that scares the hell out of me. Seems like I don’t know myself anymore. So many things have happened, things have changed and there’s no turning back now. This is what I am now.

I have to figure it out on my own. Whatever it is!

Hopefully, soon!

PostSecret: Spiders

2010-06-02T23:59:00.003+08:00

Just sharing.....

I'm thinking of sharing some posts that I love from PostSecret once in a while. And some shots also from my lomo babies just so you're still on track with what's going on with my life. How's that sound?

Here's one! Do you sleep naked? Hmmm...

"I'm afraid to sleep naked because spiders might crawl into my vajayjay."

PostSecret

2010-06-02T23:50:00.003+08:00

When I'm worn out from my daily routine, I read PostSecret. It relaxes my mind and it makes me laugh, all the time. Sometimes, I get to think about some of the post there. Most of the time, I can relate to them. It's funny how people get to experience the same thing as you. And then you always say, you're alone. C'mon! You'll never be alone. You just chose to be alone. Life can be so complicated but there will be always that someone who's life is more complicated than yours.

I've always wanted to have my own PostSecret book. I will have one, not soon, but it will be in my top 10 list of to do's before I leave this world. Be ready for it. It might get published!

Bucket List # 5: Sailing

2010-06-02T18:00:00.001+08:00

Sailing was one of my dreams when I was a kid. I used to love those triangular sheets flowing into the ocean like a toy boat. Last weekend, I was able to go sailing with my family. It was awesome! It could be more awesome though if I knew how to swim and just dive from the rear of the boat. But I guess that’s not going to happen even in my 2nd attempt to sail again. Hahahaha! I need to work on my swimming skills some more. But that was not the best part of the cruise, it was being able to free my mind while we coast the big ocean of Subic. It was surreal! It’s like my brain suddenly shuts off. I can’t think of anything at all. I was able to forget the worries of the world for a while. All I can think of is how amazing life can be. It gave me a new perspective in life. Like worrying no more about simple things that hurts you. Making life simple by understanding others, loving the people around you. Life is better that way. Let other people hate you, don’t hate them. As long as you do not hurt anyone, then I guess life will be good to you.

Missing Someone

2010-04-18T20:45:00.003+08:00

Not all the time, you’ll be able to spend time with someone. There’s should be a time to be independent. Learn to live life on your own. Learn new things on your own.

Today is that time for me. I’ll use this time to learn new things about myself. This will me my “me” time. I rarely have this chance so; I’ll make the most out of it. Once this is over, I’ll go back to being the “busy me”. Hahaha! Not that it’s a bad thing but it just feels good sometimes to free your mind with all the worries at work and with life.

The best thing about this is missing that special someone when they took some time off. The moment you feel their arms around you when they hug you again. The kisses after fews days apart. Feels like the first kiss again. *blush*

This will be the first time that I’ll be positive about this set-up. No more arguments, no issues, no more hang ups and the most important thing is, no more doubts. This relationship is based not just on love but on trust as well. I’m really happy that things are working out so great for us.

Thank you, Lord! You’ve been so patent and good to me!

Truth Sucks

2010-04-10T03:33:00.000+08:00

The moment I opened my mouth, I ruined everything!

Every time I speak up, I speak the truth. The truth about how I feel and see things. I do not see anything wrong with that. I made it clear that I was not picking up a fight. I was just sharing how I feel. I guess, sometimes, it’s better to keep my mouth shut than be screwed by my own honesty.

That sucks!!!

Life

2010-04-10T00:38:00.001+08:00

Life isn’t fair, but that doesn’t mean you have to be miserable. Franklin Covey once said that 10% of the things that happen to you, you cannot control. But the remaining 90%, that can still make a difference. The way you feel, the way you think, the way you act and respond to each situation, it matters! It makes a difference!

True Love

2010-03-14T16:55:00.001+08:00

True love is a decision.

A decision to take a chance with somebody.

To give to somebody without worrying whether they'll give anything back, or if they're going to hurt you, or if they really are the one.

It’s a choice you have to make.

Second Chance

2010-03-09T01:23:00.003+08:00

Life is filled with so much uncertainty that second chances are so rare.
So when second chance comes your way......
.......make sure you make the most out of it.

Life Happens

2010-02-25T13:46:00.007+08:00

Sharing with you an insight from a good friend......

Life happens when you least expect it to, the kind that hits you at your blind spot on an idle day.

Life happens…and when it does, the Higher Being reminds you that it is He is ultimately in control.

Life happens – that’s all there is to it, it is what it is.

Life happens and when it does, what will you do?

Reach Out!

2010-02-21T14:37:00.004+08:00

I was able to spend a few days off from work and from real life. I went to Beijing to explore some of the wonders of the country. The places were amazing! I was able to see their oldest temples, the tombs of the emperors, their factories of jewelries/stones, the great wall and their traditional tea houses. It was a great experience to know their history and understand their culture. But, aside from these experiences, I hate to say that some of the local Chinese people there are so rude. I had a horrible experience with them. I don’t like them! But there are still few good Chinese people left, just a few. Like our guide, Memory Ma. He was the kindest tour guide I’ve had so far.

When I was in Beijing, I enjoyed the time away from all my worries in Manila. No work for me there. Wohoo! In Beijing, I was nobody. Nobody cares about what I wear, what I look like, who I’m with and what I do with my life. The great thing about my trip was being able to spend a few days with myself. My time away made me realize how important it is to value the people who truly care about me. When I wake up in the morning, I’m always excited to check my phone. It was nice to read some text messages from people that means a lot to you. And for that, I promised myself to spend equal amount of time with each of my lovely friends when I get back. And today, I will start one, or two. Hehe! Buffet dinner, here we come!!

In order to keep a few good friends, you have to make them stay with you. They say that true friends never leave your side. But if you keep ignoring them and just believe that they will never leave, you’re wrong. Eventually, they will leave you. Sometimes, most of us forget about our friends because of some selfish reasons. Keeping in touch is not that difficult with the modern technology that we have right now. Reach out, never forget and always catch up with them. You don’t have to tell them the whole story of your life, just the good and memorable ones.

Reach out and keep a friend!

When You Lose Control

2010-02-05T19:23:00.004+08:00

When I was alone, I felt that my world was falling apart. I failed in love, I lost some of my good friends, and I’m still fighting about this feeling of what the hell to do with my life. I lost control of myself. I did some stuff that I wish I didn’t. I was trying to save myself.

I met new friends along the way. Some of them stayed, some of them were gone now, and the others didn’t really matter. I have learned so many things from my past. Although I regret some of the actions I took, but all of those things made me a stronger person. I took the risk and I failed…. But I learned!

People can still change. I can still change. This year, I plan to re-create myself. With my family and friends, the people who love me, the people who stayed and will stay with me, with them I know I can do better this time, in life and in love.

When you lose control, you lose yourself too. There’s only one way to find yourself again, create yourself on your own. Be the best person you can be. Life is about taking chances, taking risks. So, take it!!! Love the people around you and let them feel how much they mean to you. Never expect, choose to be happy, choose to love and always pray to God for guidance.

I’m taking this leap again. I will jump, take control and be my own destiny.

Sacrifices

2010-01-28T00:50:00.000+08:00

To what extent do you need to sacrifice for love?

Sacrifice is a very powerful word. It could make or break a relationship or a person. But as you love, sacrifices will always be there. You will never learn how to love unconditionally unless you learn how to sacrifice.

We had our first fight. Arguments were thrown and tears were shed. This was not the usual fight we had before. This was different. We were different. We were mature enough to handle the situation. We still had our differences but we were able to compromise this time. Love entails sacrifices. And now, we were on the ball to do these sacrifices as a couple.

I am happy how this day ended.

I chose to love! And I am happy about it!

@ 27

2010-01-20T01:51:00.005+08:00

Turning 27 was something I’m not excited about. I hate aging! Haha! I don’t like it when people ask me about my age. I know it’s just a number but for me, age equates responsibilities. At this stage, I need to start fixing myself…. my life. I need to be more serious about everything now. I’m not getting any younger. There’s still more dreams to reach, more goals to achieve.

Last year was not a great year for me. The year started so bad. It ended, still with tears in my eyes. There were problems that were not solved, so many unanswered questions, failed hopes and shattered dreams, friendships and hearts broken. Every scar leaves a mark, it was hard for me then. I’m not trying to find the answers to all my questions anymore. All I want to think about is the present, what I have now. You have control of everything that’s happening to you. That’s what I’ve learned. You can choose how to live. Choose your life, and then live it!

2009 has taught me a lot of things, how to be a stronger person, how to love myself more, how to value the people who loves me and cares for me, how forget the past and deal with the future. Dwelling with your past will not do you any good. It would just bring back pain and remorse. You don’t need any of that in your life. I have a journal of the things I’ve learned and will be learning as I journey through life. I plan to share this to my kids as they grow up. I hope that this will help them to be tough kids like me. Tough times don’t always last, but tough people do.

As the year ends, I was excited about the coming year. I know 2010 will be a great year for me. Having a great perspective in life, a loving family and supportive friends, I know I’ll be great! I thought of having resolutions this year. I’m making a promise to myself to fulfill all of these before the year ends. I plan to become a better person this time. And I hope, I’ll do better in life this time too.

=========================================================

1. Be closer to God.
2. Love myself more and love life.
3. Spend more time with my family and friends.
4. Spend wisely! Save more! No impulse buying this year.
5. Make time to do things that I love like reading, dancing and lomo-ing. =)
6. Find a new hobby (swimming or boxing).

One Last Dance

2010-01-17T16:43:00.001+08:00

I decided to take it, one last time.
No questions.
No promises.
No false hopes.

Just me, being happy.
Letting fate write my own love story.

I’m going to have this one last dance with love again.

Bucket List # 4: Hairless!

2010-01-10T17:14:00.018+08:00

Every woman's dream! ♥
I didn't think I can have summer perfect skin.
Thanks to Belo! Now, I'm flawlessly hairless!

Who is she?

2010-01-10T16:24:00.002+08:00

One night, she was a different person. Someone told her that she has changed. She did! She’s been hurt, things happen and she was lonely. People change because of those things. She was never alone but she always feels like she is. You can never judge a person by that. She was hurt and she needs to move on.

This is her, moving on.
Living her life as her own.
She needs to be free.
No one owns her now.
These are part of who she is right now.

Bucket List # 3: Tattoo

2009-12-23T18:18:00.007+08:00

Ever since my dad had his Joker tattoo in his forearm, I’ve been wanting to have my own skin art. I do not have an exact design that time though but it’s been on my mind ever since. I envy those who have the courage to ink their bodies. They say it’s so painful that’s why I’m having doubts at first. I’m scared of needles. Hahaha! Until I saw Angelina Jolie’s tattoos. Damn! I want the chant in her left shoulder blade written in Khmer script, the language of Cambodia. It was a prayer to protect her Cambodian adopted son. From afar, it looks like a bar code. That’s the reason why I liked it. And now, I want one on my back as well. I want the prayer for serenity and the passage from Psalm chapter 6. I’m still choosing between the two. So I think I won’t be having this one anytime soon. It’s quite big, I’ll start with something small first.

A friend of mine told me about having my tattoo personalized. To think of why I want to put a certain design on my body. It’s going to be permanent so why not have it my way. It makes sense! Having a tattoo that you can call your own, your own idea and perspective. No duplicates! The Light Grenades album cover caught my eye that day; it was my favorite band’s album, Incubus. It was a heart with an eye inside a grenade. It was so emo, so me!! Haha! Then I thought of having a tattoo on my ankle, an emo heart. But it has so many meanings to it. So, I started thinking why I wanted that. Then I remembered a saying about Love. “Love is not blind, it sees but it doesn’t mind”. That’s how I love. I give it all without asking something in return. Even if I do not get the results I wanted, I still choose to love. Even if it’s painful. Then I told myself, this one, I’ll have it personalized.

I went to Cebu recently and there was a famous tattoo artist in the City of Talisay, Ian Cabrido. I paid him a visit. I told myself that if he is really that great and he can give me a design of my emo heart, then I’ll have my 1st skin art done. I told him the story about my heart. I want people to see love and pain and hope when they see my emo heart. And here it is. A bleeding and hopeful and loving heart. With this, I know I can love again no matter how many times I get hurt.

Artist: Ian Cabrido
November 13, 2009
Talisay City, Cebu

Start Over

2009-11-23T01:37:00.002+08:00

I started this year being alone. Right now, I’m ending it the same way. Damn! What’s with 2009? Hahaha! I can’t help but laugh. This year was like a rollercoaster ride for me. I’ve been to both extremes, happiness and loneliness. But I have a good feeling that the coming year will be awesome! I can’t wait for it to happen!

This time, it’s going to be about me!

Happiness is a choice and right now, I chose to be happy!
No more drama!
Just fun!

Lie

2009-11-22T14:09:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, lying is easier than telling the truth. Knowing that you will hurt someone by being honest tends to complicate things and feelings. It confuses people. If you were to choose, what would you do?

Be honest and know that you will hurt someone? Or…
Just lie and pretend things didn’t happen?

Love should be enough.

2009-11-09T23:35:00.001+08:00

When two people profess their love for each other but they cannot be together, they blame it on LOVE. They would say that love was never enough. But we all know that’s a lie. Love, in general, should be enough. If you can’t be together, maybe there’s something wrong with you Maybe your love for each other is not enough. Maybe, just maybe, you do not love him/her at all.

Don’t blame it on Love! The problem is you! Deal with it!

Sana, wala na lang!

2009-10-22T23:51:00.003+08:00

You know that feeling when you wish you do not know anything at all? Things might be a little different when you have the power to delete some parts of your memory. Wipe away those days when you’re burnout. Just detach that special event or a coupe of dreadful moments from your head. Or for some, erase someone from their head. This will save them from all the sleepless nights they have. Those daydreaming and the “what could have been’s”. Minsan, gusto mo na lang tumakas sa mga nangyayari pero wala ka naman magagawa. Hndi naman mawawala ang problema unless you do something about it. Some people are strong enough to face the truth. They deal with reality with open mind. For some, they tend to forget what they know. Parang wala lang nangyari. Manhid na rin!

Ayoko na mag-isip!
Ayoko na magsalita!
Sana wala na lang akong alam!
Sana, wala na lang!!!

WISH

2009-10-10T00:58:00.003+08:00

I wish I can carry your burden so you wouldn't feel pain on your shoulders anymore.

I wish I could be with you always so you won't feel alone again.

I wish you could just let me share with you my world so you can see how wonderful it is.

I wish.......

IKAW

2009-10-08T00:52:00.003+08:00

Sa bawat pagmulat ng mata,
ikaw ang nakikita
Sa pagsapit ng dilim,
ikaw ang nais makapiling

Sa bawat tibok nitong puso,
pagmamahal ay mas sumisigla
Sa bawat sakit na nadarama,
ikaw pa rin ang nais makasama.

Paano na kung naglaho ka?
Paano na kung pag-ibig ay wala na?

Bucket List #2: Navel Ring

2009-10-06T21:05:00.001+08:00

I was planning to get a navel ring when I was in HS but I was afraid to get one. They say it was painful and I don’t think I can handle it. My sister got hers last year and I was so jealous about it. I told her, I will get mine soon. But a friend of mine told me her story. She passed away while getting her piercing. Waaaaahhhhh!!!!! That didn’t help at all. I freaked out!! I was about to get mine already. Damn it!

But this year, it was part of my new year’s wish. To get my navel ring, once and for all. Come August of 2009, I went to Bora with my BB girls. It was not planned at all. I was buzzed already and I told them, what the heck! I need to get this done! We met a tattoo artist who happened to have a shop near Juice Bar. He does piercing too! Yey! And that night, I got my navel ring!

Isn’t it nice and sexy?

Bucket List #1: Moving Out

2009-10-06T20:56:00.002+08:00

Being independent is something I thought I cannot do. Living on my own freaks me out. Having to do my laundry, cook food for myself, and clean the house, stuff like that. I don’t think I can do all those things. But my job calls for it. I work in Libis and I live in Pasay. My shift was changing back then, night shift to mid shift. At first, my parents wouldn’t agree with me to rent a condo near the office. But then, I tried to persuade them because I really need to find out how to live alone. I want to have my independence. Finally, they let me go. I was nervous at first but I need to prove them it was the right decision. There’s no turning back now.

My first unit was with my 3 girl friends, the KK girls. It was fun though the space was too crowded for us. We had so many crazy and fun moments in that unit. Drunken moments, crying time, crazy games, UAAP games, love blossoms and babies were made. Hahaha! If I can live with them again, I will. But we have separate lives right now. We have different priorities already, I guess. I had problems too with some roomies. You can’t please everyone, even your friend. My second unit was a disaster. It was like living with monster mom. I had a roommate who’s even worse than my mom. Seriously! I never thought it would end our friendship. Oh well.. Things happen for a reason. And now, I live with a friend, just the 2 of us. I get to experience how it’s like to be alone. Really! It’s when I go home at night and she’s not yet there. I get to feel how to live alone, literally and emotionally. It was scary at first. I feel lonely and sad. I feel pain. But then, it gives me the time I need to think about my life, about what I want to happen. Being independent doesn't have to feel you're alone too. I got lost. I realized I need to find myself again. I need to do things for myself and not for other people. I need to find my own happiness instead of relying on someone else to make me happy or make me laugh. That’s the time I realized, I need to stand on my own feet and be strong!

Living alone is scary…. But it’s also fun. You just have to allow it.

Life is not about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.

2009-10-04T18:41:00.002+08:00

This is so confusing. I thought I was starting to find my own happiness already. One day, I was done with all these drama, the next thing I know, I was in wheel again. Crashing and burning at my own fire. I still love him but I’m not sure if what he feels right now will last. I have no idea what happened to him and the girl he likes. I didn’t even ask him about her anymore. Maybe, I’m scared of what I’m going to hear. But I guess I need to ask him about her soon. There are so many unanswered questions in my head. It’s making me crazy. But how will I start? Can my system process more of these drama? I think one wrong move and it’s gone! I’m going to breakdown already.

My friend told me to ask an honest question for me to get an honest answer. It’s not that easy. I think I was not ready for this. I never thought that we’ll be like this again. That he would still love me after everything that happened to us. I did a lot of crazy stuff while I was moving on. He found someone who can make him happy. He almost found love in the process of moving on as well. I broke his heart the day I told him about my condition. I feel terrible about it. I wish I shouldn’t have told him about it so that things would still be the same the way we left it. But this happened for a reason. He was right about it. He wouldn’t realize how much I mean to him if this didn’t happen. But still, we can’t be together. I am not ready to be hurt again. As much as I love him, as much as I want him, I’m still scared that one day, he will leave me again. I’m not sure if things will be as easy as before. Right now, I feel jealous every time he’s texting a “girl” friend. I’m not like this before. I know it’s stupid to think of it that way but knowing that he’s not mine, makes me feel that’s there’s no hope in us anymore. That this thing we do is just a leftover reflex from while we were a couple. For all I know, he’s flirting with other girls too. I don’t know! I can’t think straight right now! All I know is that I want him! I still love him! But there are some things we need to fix first before we can be together. There are things we need to find, ourselves maybe. We need to create ourselves again. I’m not sure if he’s ready to commit again. One thing’s for sure, if he’s going to fight for this again, I will too.

I know, you people might say I’m just being paranoid or I’m thinking too much stuff. I know I’ve been too hard on myself lately, thinking of what have I done to deserve something like this. But then I realized, this happened because it was meant to happen. I need to learn from this and learn to live life again. I’ve done crazy stuff to move on. And most of them, I regret. I need to start moving on again. This time, I need to do it the right way. I’ve been relying on other people to make me happy well in fact; I am creating my own solitude. The path I choose is the path I’ll live.

I need to take control of my life from now on.

I need to take control of how I feel.

I need to create my own happiness!

LOST

2009-10-03T01:40:00.006+08:00

This is one hell of a week for me. Emotions are brimful. I don’t think I can take in more of these. Someone close to me lost someone. I feel like I lost someone too, he was close to us, my HS friends. Their home is like our home too. And now, that home wouldn’t be complete without his voice, without his laugh.

.....That home wouldn't be complete without him in it.

Where I’m from, everyone’s a Hero!

2009-10-03T01:12:00.005+08:00

Project OH!
On that day...
They lost everything.
Today...
We can do so much.

Give an hour
For the Ondoy victims.
The ONDOY HOUR.

This is a project of IBM Business Services to help prepare the relief items for employees affected by Typhoon Ondoy. With just an hour of our time, we can help a lot of people already.

A lot of people have lost their houses because of this tragic event. Even their loved ones were gone, now. All we can do now is pray. Pray for all the people who were affected, pray for all the people who left this world without a warning. This event was truly heartbreaking for me. Maybe because a lot of my friends and loved ones were affected as well. I am one of the fortunate ones who didn’t have to be rescued by the boats. Or swim in order to be saved. I’ll be dead by now if that happens because I don’t know how to swim!! =(

Glad to say that our house survived Ondoy. My dad, mom and sister were all safe inside. Although they were trapped because they cannot go out of the house because the flood was waist-deep. Ate was not as lucky as I am though. She was stranded in a gasoline station near her office. She cannot move since all roads are either closed or not passable because of the heavy traffic and flood all over metro. I am stucked in the condo with my friend. We stayed there the entire day and watched TV series, movies, eat, drink and eat. It was boring, waiting for the calamity to stop. Hopeless! We watched the news and it was so disheartening. We had to stop it. We can’t even watch them suffer!

The aftermath was even more miserable as I expected it. An American Dweller here in the Philippines says, “I wish you all could see the amazing community spirit, charity and compassion in the Philippines. What I see happening here totally blows away the response to hurricane Katrina. People here have less to give, yet they are giving abundantly. There is such a greater story than just the death toll that lame American media flash to capture.” After reading this, I feel proud to be a Filipino (not that I am not proud to be one). But it might bring hope to each and every one of us. Hope to those who are affected that even if they have nothing, and even if the country is suffering, there’s still hope. Filipinos can find ways how to survive even if there’s nothing left, even if there’s nothing more to give.

Stop

2009-08-14T03:16:00.000+08:00

This has to stop. It's not helping me. Checking all his updates, giving him information that he doesn't need. He might not care, for all I know. I thought I could be a friend but knowing that he is rambling about someone I barely knew, or doesn't even know at all, makes me jealous. I know, this is insane. After 7 months of not being together. After 4 months of pain, crying and moving on.. I am still in the brink of this same old mess. A mess that should have been gone a long time ago.

Yes, I have moved on. Or I just thought I did. But now, this has to stop. All the hoping, all the caring, all the love I have for him. I know we can still be friends. He's been good to me. But I need to distant myself. I need some time alone, I need some time away from him. I need to learn how to live without him now. Then after that, maybe, just maybe, we can be the best of friends I thought we were. We can't be friends like this. He can't be my friend if he doesn't know what I really feel. He can't be my friend if I can't be honest with my feelings about him.

"It was painful already to know these facts thru your blogs You were supposed to tell me this long time ago. Right before it started! I hate to say this but you do not have one word, Mister! Do you have Alzheimer's already to forget about our conversation? About being honest? Damn! I thought you were different! I was wrong!! I know, I do not have the right to rant about this now but this is how I feel. It's time for you to know how I feel."

This will stop! This battle will end right now. You're not the only one playing hide and seek here. I always play the same game. And I promised myself that I will not lose this time.

I will win this game!

The Man at the End of the Movie

2009-08-04T03:08:00.001+08:00

Every woman dreams of a perfect man. Someone with a huge mansion, a very promising profession. Tall, dark and handsome. Knows how to play basketball, can drive a speedboat and can fly a plane. A man who can make you smile just by doing nothing. Definitely someone who can make you say “Yes” when he popped the big question. But guess what, that man only exist in the movies. But all of us have their own story, a blockbuster movie to tell. This man still does not exist in mine. At least, not now.

I wish I could find that man. A man who could be at the end of my movie. Someone who can make me cry just by laughing so hard. Someone who would wipe my tears when I’m in pain. Someone who would never leave. A man who has the courage to fight for me. A man who’s willing to sacrifice everything just to be with me. I know my movie doesn’t end like this. I know I will soon find my happy ending. I know this movie will not end, not so soon. I still have so many stories to share. And at the end of it, my man will be there, waiting for me. And when that day comes, I will say Yes!

And my movie will end.

somebody

2009-06-04T00:44:00.001+08:00

somebody misses your smile
reassuring, kind and sincere
the touch of your hand
the sound of your voice
the comfort of knowing you're near

somebody misses the magic of the wonderful things you do
the secrets you hold
the dreams you reveal
the way you make wishes come true...

somebody waits for tomorrow
another closer day
to when the hoping is ended,
the wishing is over
and somebody holds you again.

08.03.07

make it or break it

2009-06-04T00:38:00.001+08:00

Sometimes you ask yourself if you’re doing the right thing or not. We’ll never know unless we try, right? It’s better to do something now rather than let it slip away and regret what you could’ve done. I gave up so many things already, gave up so many times for so many reasons, and I regret it… always! Sometimes I was given a chance to get it back and make things right for me but most often than not, I lose. I know there are times that I was reluctant to trust him. But the truth is, he’s been so honest with me more than anyone has been. And I really feel sorry for feeling that way. It’s sad that it has come to this. That we’re both hurting so much because of the things we couldn’t control. But I still believe that we can still make it because we’re still together. We’re in this together! Some people might not like it that we are but there’s still hope in my heart that eventually they will accept what we have. People can easily judge a person. I do that sometimes, and it doesn’t do me any good. I’ve learned so many things for the past month. And one of them is giving. If you want someone to be happy, give them what they want. Set them free, if needed. You can’t ask a person to stay if he/she doesn’t want to. That’s being unfair not just to the other person but to yourself as well. Everything’s not just about you. There’s a whole world out there that cares about you and watches you fall down so hard. So don’t be afraid to be alone. You’ll never be. Somewhere, someday, there would be someone who’ll fit into your world and who will accept you. It may not be a perfect world, but I assure you, it’ll be worth it. I’m living my life now as if it was my last day. I wanted to make things right this time. I don’t want to worry about the past nor the future. I just want to be happy, and make sure that all the people around me are happy. So I say, make it! I know I can!

10.06.2007

9 mornings

2009-06-04T00:27:00.000+08:00

Re-posting. This was created last December of 2007. I just love this entry and it sucks that I do not have a blog site back then, i just have multiply!! Boo!!!

==================================================================

At last, I was able to finish this year’s Misa de Gallo. My first, ever! I was able to hear mass for 9 mornings in San Roque Parish Church (4:30AM) & Holy Family Chapel (5:30AM). Guess what? I was able to wake up in the middle of the night during weekends. Hahaha… I missed the famous puto bumbong, bibingka and hot chocolate. Damn! I gained weight! =P

Most Filipinos believe that if you were able to complete these and you make a wish, it’ll come true. I do not believe in that. Well, I used to but I didn’t complete these Misa de Gallo for just one wish. I was guilty for not being able to hear mass for the past couple of months. I think I owe HIM this one. I’ve been through a lot this year and sometimes, I just wanted to be alone. During those times, I talk to Him. Asking what my life would’ve been if I made different decisions in life. Then I realized, in every decisions I made, He was there, no matter what. He was there to guide me and support me in everything I do. So, whatever path I chose to go to, I know I'll be okay, I'll be fine because I have Him with me.

In our borrowed lives, we have to stop looking for something we can’t have. We should start accepting what was given to us. STOP COMPLAINING! Be thankful and enjoy our blessings. In every decisions we make, we just have to remember that we have to do what we think is best for us and the people around us. We also need to trust Him in directing our lives. He knows best, right?

And now, I am trying to live what I’ve learned from this experience. Start over.

I hope next year’s going to be a good year for me. I’m turning 25 now! Quarter of a century? Doesn’t sound good to me, and I hate it. I don’t feel like celebrating my birthday but I’ll surely have dinner with my family and have some get together nights with my closest friends. I’ll hear mass of course on my big day! I am excited and scared at the same time because I know this means more responsibilities for me so, more decision-making also. But...

... I’ll be fine, I know I will. I have to. =P

one day

2009-06-04T00:08:00.000+08:00

It’s a great feeling to see you happy. But it breaks my heart to know that you can’t share your happiness with me.

Can you?

Maybe you will…

One day...

Someday…

will you? can you?

2009-06-04T00:04:00.000+08:00

Solitude…
Agony…
Hate…

All these things, we endure when we give up the one person we truly cared about. Being alone was never really an option when we’re in love. The feeling or just the thought of being in love was probably the happiest and most unexplainable feeling in the world. Sometimes we do not know why we’re in love or why we love. Sometimes we can list down countless reasons why we love someone. But when the time comes that you have no choice but to give up, to let go… Will you? Can you?

Most of us tend to be selfish when it comes to love. We only think of what can make us happy, what’s the best for us. But we’re wrong. Loving is not just about ourselves, it’s about the other person --- the person you care for, the person you trust, the person who makes you laugh, the person who wakes you up in the morning with a smile, the person who kisses you without warning, the person who brings you chocolates when you’re stressed at work, the person who hugs you after an argument, the person you’re proud having in your life, the most honest person you know, the person who can easily make you smile for not doing anything, the only person who calls you boo / babs / bebs / brads (or what have you), the person you truly love.

Yes! Yes! And yes! It’s all about him!!!

When you love, it’s aptly to think about yourself first before getting into a relationship or even in getting out of one. But what if he just loves you because of what you can give to him, would you still battle in his heart?

Can he love you for the things that you cannot give?
… Would that be enough for him?

What if he’s not happy anymore?
… Would you still fight for it?

Would you let go to see him happy instead and lose the fight?

11.13.2008

cry

2009-05-28T00:41:00.001+08:00

I used to cry because I think I was not loved.
Now, I cry because I don't think i deserve to be...

========================================================

I'm single but not ready to mingle.
I'm taken, taken for granted.

---Bernie Beluan

BWH

2009-05-27T23:14:00.001+08:00

(not in this pic: Jun, Coy, Amats, Abhie, Carla, Cel, Agnes and Dan)

When I was lost, someone was there to find me.
When I was crying, someone was there to make me laugh.
When I did something wrong, someone was there to make me feel alright.
When I want to do something stupid, someone was there to support me.
When I need a friend, someone was there just before I ask.

I love you guys!!! You're the best!!!!

hanging

2009-05-21T01:28:00.000+08:00

sometimes, you just need someone or something to make you realize you're doing the wrong things. sooner or later, you would feel worthless and unhappy. by then, you will stand up and search for your old self again. and when you find it, you'll be stronger than ever. you'll never make the same mistakes again. you'll be careful this time. you won't be hurt for the same reason again.

you'll get the hang of it... just hang in there.
before you know it, you'll be alright!

new thoughts

2009-05-18T19:19:00.000+08:00

I want to buy my 1st car. Not so fancy. Something I can use everyday. Someone I can trust when I want to go around the city when I’m alone or depressed or sad or even happy. This would be my 1st intangible BFF. Hahaha! I think I can live without a cellular phone as long as I have my own car. And this year, I will buy one! I will have one!!

I want to do boxing! Anyone interested? Any suggestions? I want to try Elorde in Katipunan Extension. I have a friend who told me it was nice. I haven’t inquired about it yet but I will find time to have a new hobby. I’m looking for a boxing gym near my place in Pasay too so I can still do boxing when I’m in the south.

Calling all girlfriends!!! Let’s go!!! Time to be sexxaaaayyyyy!!!!! =D

everyday

2009-05-14T01:04:00.001+08:00

I’m living a life today where every day’s a mystery. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know what I’m going to feel. Every day, I try to find myself. Every day, I try to figure out what’s the meaning of my existence. Every damn day, I try to find for some answers.

used to be

2009-05-06T00:21:00.000+08:00

I used to be a fighter
I used to be strong
I used to be a lover
of the same old boy

What happened to me
I don't know too
When love was lost
I became a ghost

I am new to this feeling
And I don't know how to react
But I'm hoping someday,
Love will find its way back

moving on....

2009-05-04T01:14:00.000+08:00

sometimes, you have to hurt yourself in order for you to let go
and be someone else in order for you to move on.

walk away

2009-04-07T15:44:00.000+08:00

when you finally meet someone you care about,
it's just hard to walk away.

bother

2009-03-25T01:41:00.000+08:00

does it really have to bother you to see someone you "care" about with his/her ex? hhhmmmm......

old friends

2009-03-23T23:52:00.000+08:00

It’s nice to hear from old friends when you least expect it (when you really needed them, if you know what I mean). To know that there's still someone who will listen to you (sabay batok). hahaha! And give you advices even if they know you won't listen to them. I miss those days when you can laugh, cry, and do whatever you want with them. Watch crazy movies, go shopping, hang out somewhere, drink, party all night, dance!! Name it! They're go for it!

I feel so blessed for having them. I miss them so bad! This calls for a special get together soon! =)

adieu

2009-03-21T20:25:00.001+08:00

once you've already let go of someone, have that courage to never see him again.
because goodbyes are not created for nothing.
it really ends something.

Life

2008-12-04T02:28:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find the person we love we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things and simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns. Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words for you will find rewarding happiness not with the man you love but the man who loves you more.

The best lovers are those capable of loving from a distance far enough to allow the person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being. TO LET GO OF SOMEONE DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO STOP LOVING, IT ONLY MEANS THAT YOU ALLOW THAT PERSON TO FIND THIS OWN HAPPINESS WITHOUT EXPECTING HIM TO COME BACK. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all bitterness, hatred, and anger that keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness scare away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it. You may find peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return.

But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today. There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon become a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just a friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves. You don't have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow: If you lose love that doesn't mean that you failed in love. Cry if you have to, but make it sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

There are two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though EVERYTHING.